Blame Human Nature (And Pizza)

Ate Pizza (Gluten) and It Wasn’t Worth It (Don’t even like Pizza)

It’s the weekend and every social crevice of campus is full of the hum of conversation. There’s talk of further weekend plans, assignments done, those that have yet to be done, and, of course, food.  One of the more popular items circling campus is Pizza. The large, square-shaped carton boxes are everywhere, being carried back to various locations by one out of five people you pass.

You don’t even like pizza. There’s something about the melted cheese and toppings that seem deceitful. The oil is there, saturating every slice, but you can’t see it unless you pick it up. And once you’ve done that, the slice is yours and you must eat it, because it is considered nothing short of a crime to waste pizza. Better to live a mostly pizza-free life. No melted cheese and toppings, no oil, no touching, no guilt—ahem, forgetting something? Oh, yeah, no pain. Gluten-free now (also dairy-free but you’re Dutch so you doubt you’re ever really going to adapt to that one), remember—some bothersome thing called an allergy…? Rightpicture4

But your roommate wants to watch a movie, and movies are made better by snacks, and pizza’s sort of a snack…(not really but it goes well with movies). So, Pizza then? Why not? You’ve been good this week. You’ve lived off of chicken and rice, Caesar salad (no croutons), more Caesar salad (more no croutons), gluten-free sandwiches, and you’re pretty sure there was another Caesar salad (still no croutons) in there somewhere. Yes, pizza, you deserve it. You don’t really like it all that much, but you still deserve it…

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So you order it, and go to pick it up at the cafeteria. There you are, you now make up one of the one out of five people holding the cardboard boxes as you walk triumphantly back to your room. You sit, open the box, ignore that annoying little voice that reminds you of that glu—something you’re not supposed to be eating, and enjoy your movie.

It does not take long for your stomach to protest. By the end of the movie, you’ve got the inklings of a stomach ache, but it’s not too bad so you still feel like a winner—until the morning ends that feeling efficiently and mercilessly. There’s bloating and pain, and noises; you can hear your stomach trying to digest your pizza…And, you know what? You’re going to feel crappy for the next two days! How lovely.

While you slug through the day, you can enjoy the fleeting memory of your triumph, but hopefully, you’ll spend most of your energy questioning yourself. Why are you feeling like this again? Come on! You don’t even like pizza!

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